For some reason I had always struggled to read, ALWAYS. I was the worst test taker in school ever. I dreaded having to read stories or paragraphs. Here’s the thing, my mom and I would go to the library and she would get CD’s with books recorded on them and we’d listen to them literally everyday. I remember sitting in the back seat listening to Harry Potter on the way to school. It was awesome.
I’ve always loved audio books, and podcasts. I would be able to understand and soak everything in.
Now If you hand me a book and tell me what it was about or give me a packet of paper, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. I remember when the FCAT was around in Florida, it was a huge state test that “tested” all the kids to see if they were ready to move on to the next grade. I was standing by the door talking to a friend in my third grade class. She told me she got a 3 on her test, which was average for kids our age. I proudly told her I got a 1 on the test. That was the worst you could have ever gotten. I didn’t know why I failed I read everything and tried my hardest. I was literally so confused.
My mother transferred me to a new elementary school, and it was scary starting a new school and leaving all your friends behind- but she did it for my well being.
I’ve always been going through speech therapy because I grew up with a New Yorker accent because I was born in Jersey, so they wanted me to talk “proper”, which honestly sucked I did love my accent. But that’s all beside the point. So I was put into these reading classes that was like extra so they could figure out what in the world was wrong with me.
Then realizing that I have a learning disability, and I couldn’t sit there and comprehend what was going on. I could sit here and fluently read a whole book flawlessly but I couldn’t understand what was going on. It made testing TERRIBLE for me all throughout middle and high school.
Let me tell you, when they started to introduce those “Johnny has 12 apples and he lost 4 and gave Sarah 4 more. His mother went to the grocery store to pick up 5 more. How many apples does Johnny have now?” I COULD LITERALLY NEVER ANSWER THESE. I couldn’t put anything together and I was just so mad at myself for feeling like a failure.
I really like to read, but it just sucks feeling like I can’t. So I started to write. I would have this green huge notebook and would carry this thing EVERYWHERE as I wrote down stories. Let me tell you though for a third grader they were very “out there”. Let’s just say I really had a thing for love/romance novels.
This helped me so much, and even in my early 20s when I struggle just picking up a book and trying to get through the first chapter I just start writing. Reminding myself that it’s okay, and that I can get through it. I honestly love reading motivational books, reading through other people’s stories and their experiences. It feels so rewarding to see that there’s other things that people go through and that you are never alone in your journey.
It’s crazy to see this little girl sitting in an office reading paragraphs over and over again while they try to figure out what’s going on with me, to become this girl who absolutely has this passion for writing.
When they tell you something can’t be done because of your genetics, mental or physical capabilities- break that barrier. Do things that you were told you can’t do. There’s so many things that we think will hold us back so we don’t do them but in the end we should be doing them. Do something that scares you today, something what was on your bucket list for AGES. You can do whatever you put your mind to, don’t ever forget that.
I didn’t get much sleep last night. I kept missing my husband sleeping beside me at night. Jeremy breathes VERY loudly at night, it’s sometimes overwhelming. But here’s the thing I love about it, being able to just lay in bed and hear him breathing it’s actually really soothing. It’s like taking a medication course to help you fall asleep, but yet here I am with my own giant loud speaker that’s actually sleeping right next to me!
I kept tossing and turning, thinking about my first day at my new job (SO STRESSFUL!) How it would be, if I’d do bad then get fired my first day.. just everything was running through my head.
Thankfully my best friend was up at nearly 12am and we texted for a bit, I was listening to the frozen 2 soundtrack (who isn’t at 12am?)
I laid in bed looking at the picture of my husband that I had placed next to my bed, sobbing uncontrollably. Looking at this man and missing him so much, knowing that in a couple of months we’ll be together again, but that wasn’t now. It isn’t this extract moment in time when I’d most likely be waking up next to him about to make some coffee in the morning and I’d get my “good morning beautiful” talk as he smiles and kisses me.
It all isn’t right now, and all honesty IT SUCKS!
I get a call around 4am telling me he’s landed and that he’s at the airport. I got so sad, wishing it was all just a dream. This is the man of my dreams, my husband, my best friend- and here he is over 7,000 miles away from me again. I couldn’t ever tell him how proud I am of him for serving our country and being the most amazing man I could ever have in a lifetime. But it’s just time to stop sitting in these piles of being sad and wishing what could be different. These are the times that God has planned along these cross roads in your life. There’s two paths you can take and honestly girl if I could shove you straight into the direction of the amazing life God has planned for you.. I would.
I woke up this morning, feeling sad waiting for a phone call from my husband. But I decided to just stop worrying. I made myself some coffee and grabbed a new book I’m reading. As I sat down sipping my coffee and reading my hubby called me. I wasn’t sitting here groaning and moaning about how sad I was. I was taking my morning by the hands and telling it that it’s going to be an amazing morning, and it totally is.
I’m sitting on the phone drinking my coffee while my husband is watching movies on Disney plus telling me about his ride here. It’s something I couldn’t ever be more grateful for. I’m so thankful God woke me up this beautiful morning. He is SO worthy, worthy of everything. He’s creating this moment of time for YOU, for you to read this and realize that it’s time for you to take your mornings by storm. Stop living your life in the past. Every morning is a new morning and this morning was made for YOU.
You are His child, you’re made in God’s image (HOW AMAZING IS THAT?) You were made to be loved darling, never forget that.
Go make yourself some coffee, grab your favorite book. Go put some makeup on and put on your favorite pair of jeans. Make this morning YOUR time with God. Spend the morning together as you thank Him for this glorious moment in time, He created it just for you.
I'm a huge fan of chicken nuggets, and enthusiastically excited about what God as in store for my life. My other half is currently in the Air Force, so a lot of blog posts will be about the military as of right now.
Incase no one told you today:
YOU ARE AMAZING
YOU ARE LOVED
YOU ARE ONE OF A KIND
YOU ARE SPECIAL
YOU ARE MAGNIFICENT
YOU ARE WANTED
YOU ARE A MASTERPIECE
YOU ARE WONDERFUL
YOU ARE JOYFUL
YOU ARE TALENTED
YOU ARE GREAT
YOU ARE FANTASTIC
YOU ARE A QUEEN
YOU ARE LOVED BY SOMEONE WHO MADE YOU
YOU ARE KIND
YOU ARE YOU, don't let anyone change that.