the intentional taking of one's own life.
I remember in 8th grade and I learned what self harm was, people did it to feel better so I thought I could feel better too. This then started my addiction, I looked more and more into what suicide and self harm was. I didn't know who I was and I thought that this would completely make me feel better. Freshman year of high school my thoughts did not get any better. I pushed my friends and family away and I didn't want anyone in my life. I remember laying in my bed and listening to Hold On Till May, and I just took a handful of pills and I kept taking them. I remember feeling super sick at that moment, I didn't eat anything that whole day so I didn't think that would help. One of my friends kept begging me to call a parent and I refused. I kept telling him no, until I picked up my phone and called my mom. I was then taken to a hospital and I was just laying in bed. I begged, I literally BEGGED God to let me live. I didn't even know at that moment who God was. I remember there were doctors and a bunch of people in my room. I was then told that I would have to be moved to basically a mental hospital. I didn't want to go, I cried and kept crying. I remember being put into a ambulance sort of truck and watching my mom drive behind it as much as she could until she had to stop. I cried, I couldn't stop and I just broke at that moment. I regretted everything that I did at that moment. I was then taken to the place and I was on suicide watch for 72 hours. I called my mom every day once we got phone time and I felt so torn away. I hurt myself and I hurt others trying to do something that would end my life.
This is me now, 3 years later on the same street my hospital was at. I have never been so happy, or connected to God. On that day he gave me a secnd chance, because that's who he is. He always forgives you no matter what you do. At that moment he told me that my story was not over yet, he told me that I had so much more to live for.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Available 24 hours everyday
If you or anyone you know is dealing with suicidal thoughts or you are yourself, seek help. It sounds crazy but trust me just someone to talk to will help so much. Your story doesn't deserve to be ended short, you have pages and pages left to fill. Don't leave those pages blank.
I'm a huge fan of chicken nuggets, and enthusiastically excited about what God as in store for my life. My other half is currently in the Air Force, so a lot of blog posts will be about the military as of right now.
Incase no one told you today:
YOU ARE AMAZING
YOU ARE LOVED
YOU ARE ONE OF A KIND
YOU ARE SPECIAL
YOU ARE MAGNIFICENT
YOU ARE WANTED
YOU ARE A MASTERPIECE
YOU ARE WONDERFUL
YOU ARE JOYFUL
YOU ARE TALENTED
YOU ARE GREAT
YOU ARE FANTASTIC
YOU ARE A QUEEN
YOU ARE LOVED BY SOMEONE WHO MADE YOU
YOU ARE KIND
YOU ARE YOU, don't let anyone change that.